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CASE STUDY
"Sister Jenny"
Why Deal With Past Trauma? (Sexual Abuse)

Kathleen Galleher, Ph.D., Therapist, Saint Luke Institute.

Sister Jenny is 36 years old and has been a member of her community for 11 years. Jenny was interested in religious life because she wanted to devote herself to helping children. She was also drawn to the strong sense of community these women had. Generally, she gets along quite well with the other sisters. They notice that schedules are very important to her, and she gets flustered if there are last minute changes of plans. Lately, some of the sisters have expressed concern that something is bothering Sister Jenny. She has had experiences which baffle her and those around her. She seems to get upset when there are male guests visiting the house and feels uncomfortable around middle-aged men in particular. She locks her bedroom door at night and has nightmares at times. When others ask her if she is okay, she gets irritated and says she is "fine".

This year, she is teaching 5th graders and is in charge of teaching a sexual education class for the first time. She seems more and more anxious around the house. She checks her door often before sleeping and wears two layers of clothes to bed. When someone teased her about this, she stormed off and wouldn't speak to her for days. She cries a lot and stares out the window frequently. She confided in one of her friends that she feels like she is going crazy and she can't figure out what is going on. In her prayer time, she feels like nothing is happening. On retreat, Sister Jenny confided that she had experienced sexual abuse when she was young. When the director suggested she seek professional help to assist her with these painful memories, Sister Jenny balked. "It is in the past, and that is where I want it to stay. Thinking about it just depresses me."

Initial Response to Abuse
Sister Jenny has reason to want to stay out of the past. Her uncle molested her from the time that she was 9 until she was 13. He never raped her, so she's not sure if "it really counts as sexual abuse." He commented when she first developed breasts, that she'd better watch out for the boys and what they'd be thinking. She always wore baggy shirts after that. She didn't like the way he used to hug her. Eventually he started coming into her room at night and forcing her to touch him. She was always afraid if she didn't, he might do something worse. One time when she resisted, he remarked how "cute" her younger sister was getting. That was the end of her resistance.

Sister Jenny never told anyone what happened and she put it out of her mind. She remembers her teen years as lonely ones. She stayed away from boys and tried to blend in to the crowd. Academically, she excelled. She was also a volunteer in her community and busied herself with many projects to help others in need. Sister Jenny became an expert at staying in motion, because she found that it kept the pain at bay. She was successful, she appeared fine to others.

Why Deal With This Past Trauma Now?
The biggest problem with the past is that it rarely confines itself to the past. Sister Jenny believed that she could control the past by not thinking about it. Paradoxically, pain has the most control over behavior when it is unacknowledged. Feelings that have been repressed have a way of making themselves known in adulthood. They get "acted out" and show up in reactions and behaviors. The pain and consequences of abuse have been impacting her life and are now greatly interfering with her ability to function in community and in her ministry.

Coping With Trauma
Children handle abuse in the best way they know how. All children try to figure out how to navigate safely through life. They learn some practical rules: If you push your glass of milk over, it will spill. If you touch a hot stove you will burn yourself. When Sister Jenny was abused, she felt like she was responsible for "letting it happen". She tried to learn the "rules" to avoid or prevent abuse in the future. As an adult, avoiding older men, hiding her body, and controlling her environment are ways she is trying to protect herself. Often fear and pain are reactivated in situations similar to the abuse. This would explain her panic reaction when trying to talk to the 5th graders about sex. The natural reaction of the traumatized person is to withdraw from the situation to protect herself. However, in protecting herself from people who might hurt her, Sister Jenny also cuts herself off from important sources of support and nurturance.

Although it is painful to recall and talk about abuse, the alternative is to live a life in which the trauma "comes alive in a hundred different recollections and panicked moments". As long as the past pain is too frightening to speak about and dictates what we can and cannot do, it has control over the present. Healing and reconciling with the past frees people to relate in new and open ways with those around them. Breaking the wall of silence and acknowledging the past hurt is the beginning of healing.

Healing
The intention in working with past trauma is not simply to recall painful memories. With the help of a therapist, an abused person can look not only at what happened, but his/her beliefs about the trauma. The faulty logic of children who were abused (they should have controlled what happened, or they are responsible for the abuse) may still be active in an adult and needs to be recognized and challenged. In therapy, they can try out new beliefs and begin to hold the perpetrator responsible. They can express the pain and grief of the abuse and the awful feeling of powerlessness they experienced.

Another element of the healing journey is to assess the many ways in which the abuse has had an impact on the individual's sense of self, sexuality, relationships with others, and work and life patterns. Survivors can look at the way the "rules" in their life are still active, and may be keeping them from a fuller life. Often therapy helps these individuals to reclaim important parts of their lives. This work allows them not to feel controlled by the abuse any longer. Although the process is painful, the new sense of freedom is often exhilarating. Survivors of abuse can use this freedom to develop new and healthier behaviors and relationships. The support of the community can be a particularly important part of this journey toward wholeness.

LUKENOTES is a bimonthly publication of Saint Luke Institute.
Permission to use these materials must be requested in writing by contacting
lukenotes@sli.org

SLI EDUCATION DEPARTMENT
Saint Luke Institute
8901 New Hampshire Ave.
Silver Spring, MD 20903
(301) 422-5499 • (301) 422-5519 (fax)

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