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CASE STUDY
"Sister Susan" • On Telling and Hearing Stories

Lynn M. Levo, CSJ, Ph.D., Director of Education.

The sine qua non of storytelling is human mutuality, human connection and the wish for that. When people lose that, they lose themselves.

Robert Coles

Susan, a sister in therapy for the treatment of sexual abuse and alcohol dependence, is now struggling with establishing better relationships with the members of her congregation. Susan relates: "I feel more at home with the people in my support group than with many of the sisters in my community. We do not seem to know how to tell and hear one another's stories."

It is not uncommon that while in therapy or subsequently, persons struggle to establish meaningful relationships with members of their own community or diocese. Often it is because they have changed. They have learned new skills and they have different expectations and needs. Their ability to tell and hear stories, not only from their past but their ongoing and unfolding story, is often an important component of their ongoing growth and development. And, it is not uncommon that an awareness of the power of storytelling and the ability to disclose in this manner are lacking among some women and men religious and clergy.

The Power of Personal Storytelling
When we tell and hear stories, we give each other insights as well as entertain and engage each other in times of celebration, struggle and mourning. Primarily, stories help us connect with one another. Sharing our personal stories is an essential element in forging alliances, connections, friendships and community. In essence, telling one's story brings an individual to a greater intimacy with self and increases the possibility and capability of intimacy with others.

Telling our own story is a way to make sense of our often chaotic experiences and in the process to develop our own voice. And this development of voice can be a way out of helplessness into a personal power that can be transforming of self and others. Listening to our own stories is a means to nourish, encourage and sustain ourselves. By telling and listening to stories, we enter into a caring relationship with the many parts of ourselves.

In our culture, we have given over much of the storytelling to others (movies, novels, TV) and have become not only distracted from but perhaps uncomfortable and even inept with personal storytelling. As a result, we lose contact not only with the lives we lead but with our desire and ability to relate meaningfully with others.

One possible outcome from therapy, especially support and/or therapy groups, is the awareness of and ability to tell and hear personal stories more easily, skillfully and above all, more often. In these groups, stories are means of understanding self and also of understanding others and enhancing exchanges. Telling and hearing stories can help us dig below the surface of relationships and understand ourselves in relationship to others. Listening to the stories of others can be a source of insight and challenge. In multicultural relationships, listening to the experience of others is even more crucial. Storytelling, both publicly and privately, can lead to a creative way of being that enriches every aspect of a person's life: physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual.

Given Susan's experience and the importance of telling and hearing stories, what then are some realistic possibilities for Susan and her community? The community members would best benefit from some clear preparation as to what to expect from Susan given her experiences in therapy. And, they need to be prepared that their life together will change because one of their members has changed. Some understanding of change and resistance would likely help each of them to live together with more understanding and ease.

Susan has an opportunity to be a leaven in her community if she can share with them her learnings, especially about the importance of storytelling. In order for Susan to do this without alienating the others, she needs to be aware that the community is not a therapy or support group and that the others in her community may not have the skills that she has learned. With these awarenesses and realistic expectations, Susan and the members of her community may then write a common story that is about challenge, insight and connection.

LUKENOTES is a bimonthly publication of Saint Luke Institute.
Permission to use these materials must be requested in writing by contacting
lukenotes@sli.org

SLI EDUCATION DEPARTMENT
Saint Luke Institute
8901 New Hampshire Ave.
Silver Spring, MD 20903
(301) 422-5499 • (301) 422-5519 (fax)

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