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The Role of Self-Esteem

Stephen F. Kopp, M.S., TEP
Vol. IV No. 2
March/April 2000

It is quite common to hear individuals say "I suffer from low self-esteem." My experience as a psychodramatist provides helpful perspectives on roles and self-esteem and on self-esteem as a critical component in a person's ability to function maturely. Insights on how self-esteem is damaged, and how it can be repaired and developed are also related to understanding role dynamics.

Role theory offers a helpful perspective on self-esteem issues, especially among clergy and religious women and men. Individuals are always communicating with one another out of specific and reciprocal roles. This is the repertoire from which we draw as we choose how to interact with other individuals or groups. And, each role has both a collective and an individual component, that is, there are societal expectations that are placed on certain roles yet each person also individually interprets and expresses the self within these roles. An expanded role repertoire leads to an expanded sense of self. In expanding one's repertoire, roles are developed through three stages: role taking, role exploring, and role creating.

For many clergy and religious, formation was a time to focus on developing their role as a minister of the Gospel. Some formation programs fostered this collective aspect to the detriment of developing personal ones. And, society also stereotyped role expectations for a priest or religious. There are many concrete examples in which a son or daughter yielded to family roles to become "my-son-the-priest" or "my-daughter-the-nun."

In recent years, the collective role of a priest or religious has undergone significant change. We have been confronted with public complaints/lawsuits involving priests. Parishes and schools are rethinking and redefining their expectations of the religious on staff. These changes have weakened the collective definition of the role of a religious or priest today. In addition, the aging of priests and religious and decreased vocations have created further shifts in our conception of vocational roles. These shifts in Church and culture, as well as the lived experience of religious and clergy have demanded that clergy and religious rely to a greater extent on the individual aspect of their roles.

As the social or collective element of a role is jeopardized, those who excessively rely on externals to define themselves experience a loss of self. For some, this weakening of the societal identity creates serious problems with self-esteem. They may compartmentalize difficulties, thus experiencing depression, shame, problems with sexuality, addiction or interpersonal difficulties. This further damages their ability to develop a healthy internal definition of self. When the sense of worth comes out of societal expectations, even an intervention by a superior might uproot what little sense of merit the person has remaining.

Healing self-esteem can occur when we redefine the collective role and view our ministers more realistically as imperfect healers. This task of defining roles more reasonably is not only for formation programs, but also belongs to the larger church community as well. Another key feature of self-esteem is the development and internalization of the personal side of roles. We have an example of this in the Scripture passage about the woman about to be stoned. The crowd defined and judged her primarily through a single societal role, adulteress, while disowning the sinful roles within themselves. Jesus challenged the crowd to look to those sinful roles within themselves, and he also challenged the woman to seek other roles: "Go, and sin no more."

Role taking, the first level of expanding a person's role repertoire, occurs by watching and imitating healthy models in the world around us. In a treatment program, persons often arrive with seriously impaired self-esteem. New roles begin through observing senior members of the community face their problems and not define themselves solely through their limitations. Shame, guilt or resentment can be obstacles to developing healthy internal roles. Group settings, both therapy groups and peer support groups such as AA, offer a hopeful perspective. In groups, individuals can see others surrender rigid adherence to worn-out societal roles (e.g., priests never get angry) and develop more appropriate internal definitions. Peer support groups within a diocese or congregation can likewise offer mentoring through these times of rapidly shifting roles. By watching others express their hurts, shame, and remorse and still be acceptable, a person can begin a similar process of self-disclosure and self-integration.

This modeling becomes a basis for role exploring, where a person actively explores new behaviors, and begins to develop some familiarity with new roles. For persons with poor self-esteem, this is a time for talking about their shame or hurt in a vulnerable manner, and being supported and affirmed in this process. This discovery period allows individuals to recognize undiscovered aspects of self and expand their role repertoire.

Finally, role creation occurs when individuals accept their unique self without being dependent on external validation. At this point, persons have a more honest appraisal of themselves and are better able to accept both their gifts and limitations. Having this fuller, richer sense of self leads to authentic relationships and service characterized by greater flexibility, improved empathy for others, and increased spontaneity.

Steve Kopp is a Therapist and Psychodramatist at SLI.

LUKENOTES is a bimonthly publication of Saint Luke Institute.
Permission to use these materials must be requested in writing by contacting
lukenotes@sli.org

SLI EDUCATION DEPARTMENT
Saint Luke Institute
8901 New Hampshire Ave.
Silver Spring, MD 20903
(301) 422-5499 • (301) 422-5519 (fax)

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