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Collaborative Direct Influence

Lynn M. Levo, CSJ, Ph.D.
Vol. III No. 2
March/April 1999

Leaders of religious congregations and dioceses are frequently called upon to do what others who live or work with a person often do not do; namely, to confront the person about his/her inappropriate and often dangerous or destructive behavior. A member of a province council, for example, might be given disturbing information by a local community about a particular person and be asked by the group, who is no longer willing or able to cope with the person, to do something to remedy the situation. To intervene effectively and to be of assistance to the individual may necessitate that persons in leadership change some attitudes or beliefs about how to influence as well as learn some new skills or methods to create and sustain an effective direct influence process.

One of the most difficult tasks for women religious in leadership positions is confronting a troubled sister whose behavior is problematic or dangerous to herself or others. This situation is difficult for women religious because, for the most part, they have developed collegial forms of governance characterized by non-authoritarian and non-coercive means of control. The challenge then for women leaders is to understand how they can participate in a direct influence process in a collaborative manner, i.e. how to share their perceptions of a situation and certain ideas for action, with the goal of influencing the other to change her views and behaviors, while maintaining a cooperative mode of action.

Here are some suggestions for creating and sustaining a more Collaborative Direct Influence Process:

1.  Prepare and rehearse for the meeting with the person in difficulty. Your mental preparation and conversations with others will assist you to be clear and direct.

2. Expect resistance and defensiveness. You are intruding into another's life and your very presence indicates that something is wrong and change is desired.

3. Know, understand and accept your own feelings. By attending to your feelings during the meeting, which may require that you take a break from the face to face encounter, you are more likely to remain objective and keep the focus on the other.

4. Plan enough time for this meeting. Expect to spend a substantial amount of time when attempting this type of influence process. It is also helpful to plan a break as part of the meeting. A built in break enables everyone to process what is happening and to consider other alternatives. In addition, time away allows persons to "save face" and change their mind more easily whereas a sustained face to face encounter tends to encourage persons to defend and hold their position(s).

5. Use cooperative modes of interacting because how you relate to another is as important as what you say.

• Be empathic: make an extra effort to understand what the other is trying to say and how she feels; e.g. do not dismiss the costs of an evaluation process nor her fears of being evaluated nor of the unknown.
• Be genuine: be yourself and have your words, expression, tone, actions and feelings agree.
• Be respectful: appreciate the other as a person by how you behave and your response style: actively listening, appropriate warmth, descriptive not evaluative language, inviting interaction
• Be open and honest in your communication: say what you mean and mean what you say as you try to persuade, not coerce
• Encourage active participation in the process and in decision making: seek contributions and suggestions from the person when appropriate and be sure to verbally acknowledge how these are influencing the process/decision making.

6. Spell out choices and the consequences that accompany each choice and allow freedom of choice among alternatives. Consequences must be real ones that the leaders support. Effective use of consequences, some of which may not be as desirable to the person (e.g. moving or not driving) is more persuasive than threats. Inviting a person to go for an assessment may be the choice that you offer at this time. By asking the sister to look at her choices and consequences, you also invite her to put forth effort and take responsibility for her well-being and recovery from the outset.

7. Seek help from persons who can assist you with the various aspects of this type of influence process. You may need to consult persons who know the sister and/or the situation or you may need to seek professional help to develop alternatives.

Lynn M. Levo, as Director of Women's Services at Saint Luke Institute, consults and presents workshops to promote the health and well-being of women in ministry in the U.S. and abroad.

LUKENOTES is a bimonthly publication of Saint Luke Institute.
Permission to use these materials must be requested in writing by contacting
lukenotes@sli.org

SLI EDUCATION DEPARTMENT
Saint Luke Institute
8901 New Hampshire Ave.
Silver Spring, MD 20903
(301) 422-5499 • (301) 422-5519 (fax)

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