We all live with controlling images constructed and often imposed by the dominant culture in which we live. Patricia Collins defines controlling images as inner constructions, ways of seeing things, that define for each person/group what is acceptable and what is not, what people can and cannot do. Controlling images are often constricting and limiting. Because a person may pay harsh penalties for violating these expectations,  it is not uncommon that fear frequently accompanies and/or may thwart any change to these images. At the same time, however, growth requires the ability to recognize and change those images that would hold us captive and prevent us from living authentic, joy-filled lives.
Self-image is an example of a controlling image. Much has been written about how self-esteem impacts one's choice to use/not use one's gifts or how someone relates with others. Self-images are powerful and continue to operate even in the face of feedback to the contrary. In order for a person to change, a change in self-image is needed.
Although there are many possible images that act as controlling agents in people's lives, images of mature personhood seem particularly relevant to examine at this time of turmoil and transition, especially as a means of shedding some light on the current crisis of institutions, including the Church. The traditional image of a mature person has failed us and has led us to a crisis of relating both in the Church and in other institutions as well. It is not surprising then that in both contemporary psychology and spirituality, defining authentic selfhood and maturity is a current and urgent focal issue.

MATURITY: OLD AND NEW IMAGES
The traditional image of a mature person, still prevalent in Western culture, describes as ideal an autonomous individual, with rights and entitlements, who attains personal gratification and increasing self-sufficiency as s/he matures. Other persons are seen as part of "my need system;" i.e., either they help satisfy my wants and needs or they compete or block my personal satisfaction. Self-sufficiency and separation are valued highly, with isolation often as an outcome. Feelings are most often devalued because they are seen as uncontrollable and untrustworthy. Safety or self protection, personal and/or institutional, is highly valued and demands solid boundaries. Self-disclosure is carefully monitored as is openness and emotional responsiveness.
The current crisis in institutional life in the U.S. and in our Church illustrates one of the likely  consequences of this objectifying mode of personal maturity: disconnection; i.e.,  other persons are often not heard, understood or respected. Consequently, individuals and groups are asking for change, urging a more relational way of being human, of being Church. Authentic personal maturity would then be characterized by individuals participating in increasingly empowering relationships in which movement, dialogue, connection and emotional growth, empathy and mutuality are evident. This relational view, best described by researchers at the Stone Center in Boston, fosters knowing and being known, affecting and being affected, with creative action resulting from connection. Individuals are consistently cognizant of how others are impacted by any actions taken. Feelings are valued as a way of knowing and as a basis of action and communication. Solitude, not isolation, is seen as essential for growth in connection.

ABOUT  DISCONNECTION AND CONNECTION
Disconnections are inevitable in relationships and, if addressed, can lead to better connection and growth. If unattended, however, disconnection can become chronic leaving people feeling isolated and devoid of mutuality and life-giving relationships which then results in depression, anxiety, substance abuse, or aggression and other forms of abuse or maladaptive connections. We have seen that persons who abuse and those who have been abused can live lives of painful disconnection, unless these disconnections are transformed. In addition, disconnections can also be difficult to negotiate, especially if there is an imbalance of power and if those in more powerful positions respond with hostility, avoidance or invalidation.
Healthy connections and healing take place in growth-fostering relationships characterized by mutuality, empathy, respect, and honest engagement. What better time than now to examine controlling images and disconnections in our individual and institutional lives? If not us, then who?

Lynn M. Levo, CSJ, Ph.D. is currently Director of Education at Saint Luke Institute.