Individuals preparing for ministry learn a great deal about what to do and how to do it. When it comes to working with individuals and groups, however, many tend to fall short. Social skills and handling emotions are often not seen as important to being a successful minister nor are they taught well. New evidence suggests, however, that poor emotional and social skills can derail more persons than lack of expertise or know how.

Emotional Intelligence, (often called EQ for Emotional - Intelligence Quotient) refers to the array of personal and social skills that allow one to live more fully as a human person and to succeed in one's life work or ministry. EQ encompasses intuition, character, integrity and motivation as well as good communication and relationship skills.

What EQ is NOT
When many people think of emotions, they often recall or focus on over-reactions in the past, especially conflicts, hurt feelings or embarrassing moments. Replacing logic and reason with run-away emotions is quite the opposite of Emotional Intelligence. Listening only to one's rational, factual side or being able to "talk about feelings" are also not Emotional Intelligence. To live a healthy balanced life, each person needs to understand and value how feelings, instincts and intuitions gained through lived experiences are vital sources of information. To make valid decisions we need to use both rational, cognitive data (IQ) as well as data from feelings, instincts and intuitions (EQ). True emotional intelligence is being able to call appropriately upon information from the emotional center of the brain, and balance that with information from the rational center as well.

EQ and Success
Intelligence does not correlate highly with success in one's work, accounting for no more than 25% of a person's overall success. Although knowing what to do and how to do it are necessary steps to prepare for one's life work, these two are not sufficient for effective ministry. Recent research demonstrates that "know how" probably accounts for another 20 to 25 % and that the remaining 50% is likely related to EQ, which helps us with the difficult daily tasks that make for success. EQ helps people pursue goals with others, establish collaborative relationships, and to stay connected in the tough and anxious times.

What Constitutes EQ?
Emotional Intelligence has both a self and other dimension. With its "people focus," EQ is based on knowledge, a positive attitude and the ability to behave skillfully both in regard to one's self and others. Emily A Sterrett, Ph.D. describes the self dimension as a person's understanding and acceptance of one's self in three areas:

Self awareness: (Knowledge) is accurately knowing one's feelings, preferences, goals and values as well as sensing how others feel about you and then letting these guide behavior.
Self confidence: (Attitude) is a belief in one's self, and living unself-consciously; it includes being assertive, taking reasonable risks, being goal directed and having the ability to admit mistakes and move on.
Self control: (Behavior) includes dealing well with stressors and changing life situations, appropriate emotional expression - not over control, being adaptable and flexible and developing the capacity to balance rational and emotional considerations.

Sterett describes the social dimension as the person's experience and interactions with others which includes these three areas:

Empathy: (Knowledge) is the capacity to "read" and understand others including their nonverbal behavior, to walk in their shoes, and to listen and respond well.
Motivation: (Attitude) refers to taking initiative, having a positive outlook, being creative, doing things you believe in and to which you are committed, inspiring others to greatness, seeking cooperation and unity, and possessing an openness to diverse points of view.
Social Competency: (Behavior) includes seeking and finding common ground to establish rapport and minimize conflict, persuading and influencing others, inquiring, being likeable and working to form positive relationships, and being a person of integrity - making decisions and behaviors that match who you say you are.

Clearly self and social dimensions overlap with one another. And, in fact, we learn about self in relationships with others and then bring that self into future relationships. Each of us needs to grow in each of these areas in order to develop more fully as persons who are successful and satisfied in both our personal relationships and in our work. Ministerial formation programs for laity, religious and in seminaries need both to recognize the significance of EQ and also to learn how to teach/enhance this awareness and the skills necessary for people to utilize their EQ to live and minister more effectively. This is particularly true for formation programs for men because in our culture emotional understanding and expression are often seen as women's work and men who know how to understand and value feelings and intuition are often not readily available as role models.

Lynn M. Levo, CSJ, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist and currently the Director of Education at SLI.

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